Throughout this pregnancy, I've tried to keep an open mind on just about everything baby-related as well as keep an eye on my own intuition and needs. From actual labor and delivery (i.e. the birth plan which I often ponder is a contradiction in terms) to breastfeeding and parenting, I've tried to sample a bit of all kinds of wisdom to determine my options and point-of-view as well as just expand my understanding. So far, I've learned a hella lot about myself.
For example, while I appreciate the guidance and experience of say Birthing from Within, I finally had to let the dream die. Dude, I'm not that girl. I love my girlfriends who are that girl, but I had a hard time with it. For those of you unfamiliar, think birth art. You know when I knew to let the dream die? I got bored reading.
Particularly with the hormone fluctuations, I've also realized that there are things I absolutely cannot control including what kind of mother I'm gonna be. I've come to accept that the kind of mother I'll be will reveal itself in a mishmash of Piglet's needs, Life's demands, and a conscious effort of my own.
But. Who am I kidding? As much as I'm my mother's daughter and all intuition, light, and soul-searching, I'm totally my father's daughter, and it's all about research, the plan, and the contingency plan.
So, despite the meditation on Life and reading bonanza, I decided I needed a basic class.
There are all kinds of birthing/labor classes as many may already know. There are a myriad of choices like Lamaze and Hypnobirthing and even online courses are available. I wanted to start with the basics though. Here's the craziest pooh ever: no friggin' birth classes at UTMB! I don't' want to dwell too much on this, but seriously people? So, here we find ourselves GOI (Going Off Island). Again.
Let's recap, shall we? One can give birth to a BOI but must learn how to give birth to said BOI off Island. Nice. We might be in luck. I have heard recently that we have a new IBC and she's a doula! I haven't met her though. Anyone meet her at the meet & greet last weekend? If so, let me know.
So, we signed up for your regular, run-of-the-mill birthing class on the Mainland. Only we chose the condensed version. This package narrows a 6 week course down to a weekend, because we're not driving back and forth to Clear Lake for 6 weeks. No, not even for just one night a week. So we learned in two days how to give birth, how to breastfeed, and how to care for Piglet once she arrives. And like my acerbic cousin Scott said, "yeah taking care of and raising a human should really take a day to learn don't you think?"
Here's what I discovered about myself by partaking in these classes. I don't know that I really learned anything I didn't know already, but I feel better. It's like all those literature survey courses I took in undergrad.: were they exceptionally helpful at the time? No. Did I feel better and more prepared somehow because I took every survey course in World, British, and American literature? Absolutely. Sometimes it's about confirming what we already know. I also learned that like the Seawall and Ikea, birth classes bring forth the sea of humanity.
Mostly, I was reminded of how being hilarious and thoughtful is a real and worthy combination. Example: Mondo volunteered to be the mom in the class birthing reenactment. I was the VIP/father. Let's just say that I'm kicking myself that we did not have our newly purchased video camera on hand. I reference both hilarious and thoughtful because while he was very funny, Mondo actually volunteered because he realized that none of us preggos in the room wanted to climb into that bed and engage our acting chops. I think I can summarize our experience with Mondo's Facebook status update from that first morning: Mondo is in a room with artificial babies, birth anatomical models, birth videos, breakfast, strangers, and Lauren and I surely look like deer in headlights. Stay tuned.
Now, since I've talked about research and reading so much, I've decided to share the following tidbits I've collected over the past 7 months.
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No need to worry on actually reading books to Piglet. Apparently just the sheer number of books in our home will lead to success. As a side note, is it just me or would you kill to read this journal, Research in Social Stratification and Mobility? Ok then. Just me.
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Regardless, the race is on. Her personality is set by 1st Grade:
THANT IS SOOOOOOO FRIGGIN FUUUUUUNNNNNNAY!!!!!!!!! I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING> I have tears...............
These KUE61ST blogs have gotten me thinking about the amount of information out there now for parents-to-be and new parents (albeit just an indicator of the increased dissemination of knowledge in general on the information superhighway of the last decade), and how that contrasts with what mothers-to-be and new mothers had available in the not-too-long-ago past.
(And I purposely said mothers-to-be and new mothers, not parents-to-be and new parents, after the comma in the preceding paragraph, because the male's role used to be considerably smaller once insemination had been accomplished - often limited to handing out cigars on the big day, right? :D).
I imagine that when my Mom had me, just two generations ago, one's reference choices, outside of family, were pretty much limited to June Cleaverish-articles in Good Housekeeping and the Ladies Home Journal - i.e., no too-direct or too-detailed references to/discussions of bodily changes/processes. I don't expect many doctors (overwhelmingly male then) would have been comfortable getting too down-and-dirty in the briefing of expectant and new mothers.
Only if you had the right relationship with your mom and/or an aunt, sister, cousin, etc., who had already given birth would you get any really useful scoop in no-nonsense language (perhaps even including such rough terminology as "poo-poo," "ta-ta," "wee-wee," etc. :D))).
Then I think back to a century earlier and the stories we heard/read as kids in grammar school of slaves giving birth in the cotton and cane fields and getting right back to work. (Did that really happen? "Episiotomy" - say WHAT???) Surely only good ol' fellow-slave midwifery and family lore were available to them.
And yet, despite the difference in the availability of information nowadays, one does not operate in a vacuum, with no other demands upon one's time and with no idiosyncracies of one's individual little one to alter the game plan. As you state it, "I've come to accept that the kind of mother I'll be will reveal itself in a mishmash of Piglet's needs, Life's demands, and a conscious effort of my own."
That's the bottom line for me. I don't think it's possible to have too much information available; it's just not a good (or practical, or mentally healthy) thing to expect to be able to put all of it to use. And if one can be ok with that, it's all good.
Love the continuing saga... Xoxo