MARDI GRAS!!!!

Woohoo!!  Mardi Gras!!  I hope everyone enjoyed themselves last weekend and are preparing for even more revelry this weekend.  For me, Mardi Gras is more than a celebration of lewd behavior because my birthday usually falls right before it begins, so I have to tie a little extra on.  I mean after all.  Galveston throws me a party every year.  And everyone's invited now that there's no mroe admission charges.  I feel special.

I enjoy the spirit of the event.  What I mean by spirit is the laziness.  The attitude.  I'm pretty sure I believe this spirit or attitude helms from the whole French aspects of the celebration of debauchery prior to the lenten prims and propers.  Mardi Gras is the time of year in Galveston when everyone can get along.  Or should get along.  It stirs up unity.  Many don't think about the vast celebration that treks across the globe during this time of year.  There are a lot of different countries that celebrate this time of year.

So.  If you're giving it your first go at Mardi Gras this year, I have some tips for you.  Perhaps suggestions.  Or.  They could just be funny, witty things I type in order to feed my own ego for being funny and witty.  Either way.  Here they are...

1.  Do not attempt to persuade moving vehicles to park in a certain parking lot while standing out in the middle of the road with a large orange traffic cone.  You will not succeed in parking any cars.  You will, however, be entertainment.

2.  Do not go to Whataburger after drinking all day/night and cry on the shoulder of the person behind counter about the fact that you lost your wallet and you're really hungry.  They don't care.  But the deputy working security at the 24 hour establishment will.

3.  Try to maneuver in a vehicle that can seat all passengers inside.  Otherwise you will be pulled over and your truck will be towed.  But hopefully this will happen in front a house where a friendly person lives.  And that friendly (drunk) person will give you beer because said friendly person feels sorry for you.

4.  Take extreme notice of where the nearest port-o-pottie is.  THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!!!

5.  Make sure, if you're perusing the crowd for certain bare-chested homosapiens, you are not trying too difficultly to do so.  One must non-chalantly go about one's attempt at finding the butterscotches.  Looking too hard will only fail.  One must not be too poised with excitement.  Do not expect to be wowed.

6.  DO drink in moderation throughout the day.

7.  DON'T take beads from strangers.  They could be laced with the "Ike-sies."  (I'll explain the "Ike-sies" at a later date.)

8.  DO attend the parades.  Mardi Gras is not all about standing around and doing nothing.  The krewes go through extreme difficulties to put their floats together.  Give them some support.

9.  Do not expect to feel well when you are finished with Mardi Gras.  You won't.

10.  For one hour pretend you are Captain Sixpack's true identity.  Try it.  You might score.

11.  And finally.  Whatever you do.  Do not pick up the beads you found in the gutter at 26th and Market.  I left them there for specific reasons.

So.  Happy Mardi Gras to all.  And to all a good night.  Be safe out there...